There are many ways to deal with a problem. You can ignore it. Don’t look at it. Feel your way away from it, avoid it, sweep it under the carpet, and so on. That’s OK; problems are patient. Or you can decide to deal with it. After all, there are counsellors, friends and partners who can help you. Some problems are satisfied with that, but others come back, usually in a slightly bigger form. Then you have to try harder, invest more of the same. It’s exhausting, but it’s OK. Some people spend their whole lives trying to get it right. I’ve never met anyone who’s really done it.

When you’ve had enough, you can stop fighting. Then something completely new begins. You start to use the problem itself. The problem doesn’t mind; it leads you inwardly and outwardly to where life wants you to be. You let it teach you and shape you, mould you and change you until the problem is no longer a problem because its own solution begins to take effect. When a problem has lost its information, it dissolves. Mission accomplished.

This is the simplest and most effective way to deal with problems of any kind. You don’t see the problem as a flaw in the world, but as a signal from life (‘problem’ literally means ‘what life throws at me’). This leads to the most sustainable solutions because you yourself are solved. It doesn’t use energy, it gives it away:

It requires courage and inner transformation. Instead of trying to control your life, you allow life to shape you, carry you and fulfil you. In the middle of busy Europe. I myself have been living and working this way for some time now. When it works, I automatically have a lot of energy and enjoy easy, fulfilling days. When it doesn’t, it becomes exhausting.
When you come to me for counselling or constellation work with a problem, here is what happens: No matter how big your problem is, I will not take it away from you.

Problems cannot be taken away like a piece of land or a car. If we tried to dispose of your problem, the solution would go straight into the bin. You don’t usually see it, but every problem contains its own solutions. It opens up according to certain simple rules. They may sound strange, but they have been around since the dawn of time:

We ask your problem to let us in together. Then we wait. The problem looks at us. We let it look at us. It may feel a little strange, but it’s necessary. The problem opens in its own time. We enter. Both of us. It’s better together. We go in and look around. Now we let the inside of your problem look at us. It can open up more and more. Wide open. It lets us go down into its depths. As far down as we both dare.

We look. Everything happens to us. Anger, fear, pain, sadness, loss, love, wonder, ease, relaxation, silence. These things may have been waiting to be noticed for a long time. If you are afraid, you can hold on to me. Some things you desperately need will now come to you. Some things that no longer belong to you may now fall away. One by one.

You are changing. It is happening without us doing anything – the problem is doing its job. We both change as we work through the problem. Slowly things start to look up. When we have gone all the way through, the problem releases us, on the other side, so to speak. We are through, breathing deeply. If you want to turn around, please do. You may not recognise much of your problem. Then it has served its purpose and can dissolve.

You can move on, and so can I. Until the next problem, until the next transformation. After all, we all live in growing circles. I heard a good quote recently: ‘Problems are psychological, solutions are spiritual.’