Sometimes couples struggle for years with the same problem, with daily unhappiness and thoughts of separation. When they have suffered enough, some seek help.

Couples counselling can help them to see the inner logic of their situation. It is always love, even if it is sometimes difficult to see. This love binds them in a completely unconscious loyalty that stems from their childhood with their parents and families of origin. Without knowing it, we also enter into a relationship in order to transform childhood love into adult love and to find a more mature self. In order to achieve this goal, we search tirelessly for the right partner.

Possible topics or reasons for couples counselling: love, intimacy and everyday life / desire for children / miscarriage, abortion, adoption / extramarital relationships / no sex or ‘bad’ sex / masculinity and femininity / conflicts with children, family of origin / the patchwork family.

Other questions: Who do I really live with? How does he/she see me? / What kind of partnership do we experience? What do I want, what does he/she want? Do we know our desires? How do we communicate them? What do we talk about?
In a relationship we either learn over time to see ourselves and the other person through adult eyes, or we suffer. The misery in relationships comes from unconscious childhood needs. These cannot be fulfilled by anyone. The aim is to transform them into adult needs. This takes courage and perseverance, but it is worth it – it can lead to a new, completely different attitude to life.

Sometimes the possibilities for learning together are exhausted. Then a loving separation and acknowledgement of what has been seems appropriate. This can be done out of respect for oneself and the time spent together, with the help of couples counselling if necessary.

I do not associate couples counselling with either saving or destroying a relationship. Each couple remains responsible for themselves. I serve couples in crisis as a counterpart, an anchor to reality, including their unconscious realities. I am a witness to the changes they can bring about together. Sometimes I experience that love is a greater force than we usually give it credit for.

The rules are simple: respect and mindfulness, for yourself and for your partner. I make sure that both sides are heard. Couples counselling takes the form of a conversation, either as a couple (you can come individually at the beginning), as a threesome or as a foursome (see below). It can be useful to meet several times at intervals. You can also add constellation elements.

If you get stuck, do yourself and your relationship a favour and make an appointment.

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You can find the prices for couples counselling here.

Further reading: ‘Five theses on the art of living as a couple’.

Make an appointment with Thomas Gessner for a session on site or online!